me, my hip and i

There’s something highly alarming about being at a hospital appointment and being told, “I’m sorry, but there’s really nothing more we can do for you…”

Luckily, this was only a physiotherapy appointment, but even so, the physio was the only help I was getting, and I liked my physio lady, Shan – she was very sweet and good humoured about me telling her that i was only ever totally pain-free when vodka was involved.

But no, I am beyond the help of the physio. Apparently, the range of movement is so poor now that in some directions I now score a big fat MINUS. On the plus side, however, she had a word with the High Priest of Orthopaedic Physiotherapy and he is recommending that she asks my GP to refer me to Gobowen,which is the hospital which treated me as a child. How long the waiting list for an appointment there is, I don’t know. I know here it’s about 26 weeks, and I had another 22 to go. What I do know is that it’s deteriorating very quickly, and the physio agreed. I can stand for about ten minutes maximum, and that’s without actually weightbearing on my left side. I can walk about 1/4 of a mile before the pain becomes so excruciating that I yelp involuntarily. I wake constantly in the night.

I’m going to look into getting a better mattress. When we moved house in March, my folks bought me a new bed, which came with an allegedly ‘firm’ mattress. What is firm about the mattress are the springs which protrude painfully and horribly. I think my ‘new’ mattress, out of financial necessity, will have to be second-hand, so I’ll have to try very hard not to think about other people’s enuresis and death-bed scenarios and concentrate on me being more comfortable.

I woke up crying in the night. I realised that at this rate I will not be able to walk for much longer. It was my birthday three months ago – I went out in 4″ heels and danced like a fool. Now the thought of walking across the kitchen to put the kettle on is terrifying.

I am trying to be brave, but I don’t like this one bit.